The 6-12 months of torturous, infamous, terrible-two’s are enough for mothers around the world to pull their hair out (myself included). Why just 1 month ago, my delightful, delicious 20 month old, smiling and happy, slightly shy became a terror. Sure, she is still happy…sometimes. Most of the time, she wants her way. And when she doesn’t get it, the tantrum begins… it varies- sometimes including biting her own arm, certainly throwing whatever she is holding (she even threw a treat down the other day smashing it to pieces!) and generally throwing herself on the ground.

It is hard to tell when her mood will strike, and what will set her off- a bit like a ticking time bomb.

A once fabulous sleeper, she no longer sleeps through the night. She sleeps solidly for about 2 hours and then wakes up with screams that could wake the dead, as if someone is torturing her. What mother can listen to that??? It is almost easier to take her out so she just stops screaming. Usually, I wait until the blood-curdling cries some, then Dan or I cave.

Anyone who has parented a child in this stage can tell you it is frustrating and exhausting. I am here to tell you after four cases of terrible-two’s, I think I have figured it out, although there is no perfect solution. It all boils down to method of communication.

We’ll use Orli, my almost 2 year old, as our case study. She knows what she wants and tries to communicate that (all I hear is blah, blah, blah because I don’t understand ¾ of the “words” she is using). In the meantime, she wants to get her message through to me, and being only 2, she has a short fuse. When she can’t communicate to me properly to get her message across and get the response she is looking for, she freaks out. Hey listen- wouldn’t you?

Solution? Lots of energy, patience, distractions. Take them for a walk, telling them all the while where you are going, what you are doing, seeing, etc. They are dying to get you to understand them. The best thing you can do is expose them to more language at this point. Teach them full sentences- avoid baby talk. This is the time they are paying attention and so provide appropriately for their little sponge brains! Reading with associated pictures is helpful- music with corresponding choreography is wonderful! Talk in number sequences (let’s go up the stairs: 1, 2, 3…), introduce them to colors (look at this beautiful red flower, blue sky, green grass, your purple shirt, etc). I am not convinced that at this age they are interested or aware of emotions- probably a good idea to skip that for now…

Orli, without really understanding what she is doing, can count to three, do the hand motions to the itsy bitsy spider and sing parts of Old MacDonald. This isn’t because she actually knows what she’s doing, but because of the repetition I give her. It’s teaching her to help express what she wants in a way that she can. She knows where her toys are and can reach the shelf of books, so when she wants to play with something, she can help herself or bring something to me to show me she wants to play with it.

I remember when Gabi (7) was just 18 months, and I had Maayani (6) as a newborn- when Gabi needed entertaining or attention and I couldn’t give it to him because I was attending to Maayani, I would sit feeding her, changing her, etc and sing to Gabi- typically the wheels on the bus or Row Row Row your boat (mainly when I didn’t have free hands to do the hand motions). It really helped to distract him as it was an interactive game we were playing. If you have access to a CD that can play these songs and you can sing certain parts along, even better! Then your two year old won’t get frustrated when you get distracted and stop singing!

At the end of the day, remember to breathe- terrible twos is an extremely frustrating period, but it is just that. A period. It will end, just like all the other phases and before you know it, you’ll be onto the next fun stage! For now, try and love your two year old as much as possible and know, this too shall pass!

Let me tell you that my mother in law and I have a great relationship… but, it didn’t come easily. It took years, patience and persistence to make it just right. Now, twice a year, my mother in law travels the distance 6000 miles away to visit and stays for 5 weeks at a time.
I am not saying that each of you should invite your MILs for a month to visit- a few hours or the weekend is fine, plenty. Even if you are the best of friends, there is only so long you can have a house guest comfortably before you are ready to put up the eviction notice.

Here are ten tips to help you make it work!

1. Make an effort- It take constant nurturing. Relationships of all kinds require work on both parts. A good relationship with a MIL makes all the difference when it comes to family comfort.

2. According to a study done in 1996, EPIC/MRA, a national poll service measuring public perception and opinions, people tend to get along better with their mother in laws, and their own mothers as they get older. As we get older, more mature, it might be easier to see your MIL in a different light. You might actually appreciate her to a certain degree.

3. As Dan, my husband, always says: Kill them with kindness. Sometimes it takes an extra smile or an offer to come for dinner, or a small token of appreciation to ward off bad feelings.

4. Set a good example for your kids: Your kids are watching you- all the time.  They notice if there is tension in the family. Even when they are young. My mother always spoke well of my paternal grandmother and was always making an effort.  She was careful not to bad-mouth my grandma in front of us and so we all saw the effort each of them made, but it definitely paid off at family functions and dinners. They lived a block away from each other and actually got along!

5. Make a lunch date, just the two of you, to sit and get to know each other as women. Chances are, there is something you have in common on a social level!

6. Learn to bite your tongue.  Hard, I know. But if you snap at every comment she makes, or you expect her to snap at you, the door to getting along will never be open. Sometimes, you just have to cub yourself. Not every comment your IL makes needs a rebuttal. You might need to make a stronger effort on this one than she will.

7. Be honest- tell her (nicely!) if there something you don’t like, or something you don’t want her buying for your kids. Here are a few examples:  When you MIL gives them sweets and disregards mealtime- “Mom, next time you take the kids to the zoo, please be sure to offer then a sandwich for lunch and reward them with ice cream.” OR if your MIL buys hideous clothing- “Mom, thanks so much for buying the girls clothes.  Did you know that Children’s Place has the cutest things and they have Monster Sales several times a year?” OR for the MIL that thinks she can come around without notice all the time- “Mom, thanks for dropping by- next time, please just give us a ring to make sure we’ll be around and aren’t in the middle of something.” Believe me, she knows you are the mother and that you make the boss. Sometimes, there is a bit of competition and she is testing the waters to see how good of a mother you really are.

8. Always start with THANK YOU- this one goes a long way!

9. Keep the door open- Be sure to let your MIL know that she has an open invitation to your house, even though ultimately you are boss and decide when that invitation is appropriate.  She should be welcomed, but should know that is has to work with your schedule too.

10. Remember that as long as you love your spouse, along with him comes your mother in law- getting along with your MIL will actually strengthen your relationship with your spouse and eliminate unnecessary stress. Make the best of it!

I hope these tips help you-

If you have feedback or more tips on this subject, please share them and post a comment!

On June 4, I started a conversation on my facebook wall about folding laundry and how it has become my life. I got a wild amount of feedback, so I have dedicated my p0ll today to hearing from all of you who didn’t reply (and those who did, please do so again).

A few friends have asked me recently why I started this Supermom Poll business anyway… it was on June 4th that I was inspired by all the replies I got (over 20).  I had found a topic for my facebook status that really pulled at some people- friends were interested in giving advice, hearing what others had to say and were looking for pointers on how they can minimize the work and simply find it more enjoyable.

It was from then that I began thinking about a central location where people could get handy mom tips and give feedback to others.

I am a not a supermom by trade (that is, I am not a housewife, stay at home mom, “domestic engineer”). By day (or night, depending on the season), I work in clinicl research as a project manager.  However, people are far more interested in hearing about being a mom and sharing tips… these are the age-old topics covered by moms worldwide when socializing with friends, at the park, sharing playdates, etc.

So, being that there is a desire for these polls- giving and providing feedback, I have created the forum where we can do just that. I have added a new section to my blog- a polls section where people can come directly here and give their feedback so that I can keep track of topics that interest people and give YOU more of what you are interested in!

Thanks for supporting me here and leaving your feedback!

I do love spending time with Dan and I am so lucky that I get to do this all day. I’ll miss this when I transfer to a “real” office.

But, I don’t enough time with my friends. We are all busy and when we aren’t working, we are with the kids. And there is only so much I can handle heading to the park to socialize. Our socializing is constantly interrupted by the kids.

To me, I would rather be out with the girls- nothing crazy- just coffee, dinner, shopping, hanging out. We don’t even need to leave the house.

One night, Tova, Emily and I sat around with a bottle of wine, burgers bar and an attempt at playing Settlers of Catan. We even set up the board! But we just talked for about 2 1/2 hours. At ease, no interruptions, comfortably. It was great.

Would love to do that again

I sing, a lot, at the top of my lungs.

My favorite tunes change every month, but currently, I am focused on Missy Higgins (thank you Sarah!), Ingrid Michaelson (thank you Abi!), Adele (thank you Ugly Betty!) and Colbie Caillat (thank you Dan!). I sing, sometimes dance, drive, enjoy the epace and quiet in the background.

Here is something most of you don’t know about me- from the age of about 10-17 I sang alto in chior. My sister and our friends and I were all part of some great chiors throughout school, camp, we ever used to volunteer (on our own accord) to sing at the Jewish Home (old age home) in Scranton on shabbat afternoons.

Man, that brought back some memories!

I would love to hear what your favorite activity is. Please post it here!

This guest writer for Zen Habits, Sean Platt is WriterDad.

Sean writes a great blog about family and fathering- also teaching kids how to become great writers. What dad do you know that blogs about fathering? What a great idea! Way to go Sean! It is so important that our kids see and feel that their dads are actively involved.

The 7 secrets are great and simple things we can do on a regular basis to show our kids that we really are interested and paying attention!

But, yesterday was a Monday! And we spoke for 45 minutes! And it was at a time when the kids were actually awake- quite an amazing thing… no easy feat.

We chatted about the kids, our upcoming trips to see each other and compared Jo Jo and Ors and their eating habits, teething, scooting and more.

It was so nice to talk to her! And it is so great that my sister has a baby at the same stage as mine!

We have a pretty good routine- kids eat dinner, shower, then a bit of tv and then brushing teeth and finally story time!

By this time, the kids are all exhausted (all but Ilan who naps in school) and really ready for bed. They get to choose 3 stories from the library bag or from our library. We all snuggle together and I read them their stories. Some of the stories they know already and so they help me tell the story, or they anxiously await their favorite part.

After story time, everyone gets hugs and kisses and then (hopefully) off to sleep!

The movie was Up. About an hour into the movie, Dan and I looked at each other and said “this is not a kid’s movie.” There were all kinds of violence and scary scenes, some things were quite mature and kids would never get them (older kids probably would). I was concerned about how the characters spoke to each other and the type of language that was used.

Generally, I would let my kids decide for themselves- they are at an age where there isn’t too much out there for them yet trouble wise (6, 5, 3 1/2 and 10 mos). I can certainly say that this movie was not appropriate for my 4 year old, and if he can’t watch what my 6 year old is watching, then no one watches…

It’s ok- there are plenty of movies that they can watch. Now off to find an excuse to give to Gabi when he remembers that Dan told him he was getting this movie for him…

Here are a few good replies I got on my facebook supermom today:
Shoshi Bitton Kreitenberg:
“im not there yet.. but for your reference you can go to www.IMDB.com and you can read the” parent’s guide” review on every movie and it will give you a detailed outline of any inappropriate anything.”

Rachel Leubitz:
“I watch the trailer to search for inappropriate content and to see if it is scary regardless of rating. Some PG movies are still scary for a 5 year old.”

A quick comment: The IMDB (Internet Movie Database) is quite helpful-Shoshi- thanks for this great tip!
Be sure to check on the “Parents Guide.”