Whoa is the mother who must adjust from having a delicious cheery 18 month old, fun and loving, learning to live in the real world to a tantrum throwing, screaming terrible-two’s toddler.

The 6-12 months of torturous, infamous, terrible-two’s are enough for mothers around the world to pull their hair out (myself included). Why just 1 month ago, my delightful, delicious 20 month old, smiling and happy, slightly shy became a terror. Sure, she is still happy…sometimes. Most of the time, she wants her way. And when she doesn’t get it, the tantrum begins… it varies- sometimes including biting her own arm, certainly throwing whatever she is holding (she even threw a treat down the other day smashing it to pieces!) and generally throwing herself on the ground.

It is hard to tell when her mood will strike, and what will set her off- a bit like a ticking time bomb.

A once fabulous sleeper, she no longer sleeps through the night. She sleeps solidly for about 2 hours and then wakes up with screams that could wake the dead, as if someone is torturing her. What mother can listen to that??? It is almost easier to take her out so she just stops screaming. Usually, I wait until the blood-curdling cries some, then Dan or I cave.

Anyone who has parented a child in this stage can tell you it is frustrating and exhausting. I am here to tell you after four cases of terrible-two’s, I think I have figured it out, although there is no perfect solution. It all boils down to method of communication.

We’ll use Orli, my almost 2 year old, as our case study. She knows what she wants and tries to communicate that (all I hear is blah, blah, blah because I don’t understand ¾ of the “words” she is using). In the meantime, she wants to get her message through to me, and being only 2, she has a short fuse. When she can’t communicate to me properly to get her message across and get the response she is looking for, she freaks out. Hey listen- wouldn’t you?

Solution? Lots of energy, patience, distractions. Take them for a walk, telling them all the while where you are going, what you are doing, seeing, etc. They are dying to get you to understand them. The best thing you can do is expose them to more language at this point. Teach them full sentences- avoid baby talk. This is the time they are paying attention and so provide appropriately for their little sponge brains! Reading with associated pictures is helpful- music with corresponding choreography is wonderful! Talk in number sequences (let’s go up the stairs: 1, 2, 3…), introduce them to colors (look at this beautiful red flower, blue sky, green grass, your purple shirt, etc). I am not convinced that at this age they are interested or aware of emotions- probably a good idea to skip that for now…

Orli, without really understanding what she is doing, can count to three, do the hand motions to the itsy bitsy spider and sing parts of Old MacDonald. This isn’t because she actually knows what she’s doing, but because of the repetition I give her. It’s teaching her to help express what she wants in a way that she can. She knows where her toys are and can reach the shelf of books, so when she wants to play with something, she can help herself or bring something to me to show me she wants to play with it.

I remember when Gabi (7) was just 18 months, and I had Maayani (6) as a newborn- when Gabi needed entertaining or attention and I couldn’t give it to him because I was attending to Maayani, I would sit feeding her, changing her, etc and sing to Gabi- typically the wheels on the bus or Row Row Row your boat (mainly when I didn’t have free hands to do the hand motions). It really helped to distract him as it was an interactive game we were playing. If you have access to a CD that can play these songs and you can sing certain parts along, even better! Then your two year old won’t get frustrated when you get distracted and stop singing!

At the end of the day, remember to breathe- terrible twos is an extremely frustrating period, but it is just that. A period. It will end, just like all the other phases and before you know it, you’ll be onto the next fun stage! For now, try and love your two year old as much as possible and know, this too shall pass!