I know, it seems impossible! Everyone has a story about their evil, wicked MIL. My friends compete to see which MIL is most like the wicked witch of the west.

Let me tell you that my mother in law and I have a great relationship… but, it didn’t come easily. It took years, patience and persistence to make it just right. Now, twice a year, my mother in law travels the distance 6000 miles away to visit and stays for 5 weeks at a time.
I am not saying that each of you should invite your MILs for a month to visit- a few hours or the weekend is fine, plenty. Even if you are the best of friends, there is only so long you can have a house guest comfortably before you are ready to put up the eviction notice.

Here are ten tips to help you make it work!

1. Make an effort- It take constant nurturing. Relationships of all kinds require work on both parts. A good relationship with a MIL makes all the difference when it comes to family comfort.

2. According to a study done in 1996, EPIC/MRA, a national poll service measuring public perception and opinions, people tend to get along better with their mother in laws, and their own mothers as they get older. As we get older, more mature, it might be easier to see your MIL in a different light. You might actually appreciate her to a certain degree.

3. As Dan, my husband, always says: Kill them with kindness. Sometimes it takes an extra smile or an offer to come for dinner, or a small token of appreciation to ward off bad feelings.

4. Set a good example for your kids: Your kids are watching you- all the time.  They notice if there is tension in the family. Even when they are young. My mother always spoke well of my paternal grandmother and was always making an effort.  She was careful not to bad-mouth my grandma in front of us and so we all saw the effort each of them made, but it definitely paid off at family functions and dinners. They lived a block away from each other and actually got along!

5. Make a lunch date, just the two of you, to sit and get to know each other as women. Chances are, there is something you have in common on a social level!

6. Learn to bite your tongue.  Hard, I know. But if you snap at every comment she makes, or you expect her to snap at you, the door to getting along will never be open. Sometimes, you just have to cub yourself. Not every comment your IL makes needs a rebuttal. You might need to make a stronger effort on this one than she will.

7. Be honest- tell her (nicely!) if there something you don’t like, or something you don’t want her buying for your kids. Here are a few examples:  When you MIL gives them sweets and disregards mealtime- “Mom, next time you take the kids to the zoo, please be sure to offer then a sandwich for lunch and reward them with ice cream.” OR if your MIL buys hideous clothing- “Mom, thanks so much for buying the girls clothes.  Did you know that Children’s Place has the cutest things and they have Monster Sales several times a year?” OR for the MIL that thinks she can come around without notice all the time- “Mom, thanks for dropping by- next time, please just give us a ring to make sure we’ll be around and aren’t in the middle of something.” Believe me, she knows you are the mother and that you make the boss. Sometimes, there is a bit of competition and she is testing the waters to see how good of a mother you really are.

8. Always start with THANK YOU- this one goes a long way!

9. Keep the door open- Be sure to let your MIL know that she has an open invitation to your house, even though ultimately you are boss and decide when that invitation is appropriate.  She should be welcomed, but should know that is has to work with your schedule too.

10. Remember that as long as you love your spouse, along with him comes your mother in law- getting along with your MIL will actually strengthen your relationship with your spouse and eliminate unnecessary stress. Make the best of it!

I hope these tips help you-

If you have feedback or more tips on this subject, please share them and post a comment!